Characters: John Crichton, Aeryn Sun, with guest appearances by D'Argo and Braca
Summary: They keep having to rescue each other. Actually, it's Aeryn who usually does the rescuing. But John doesn't mind.
Author's Notes: Written for amidalashari for the prompt "Aeryn and John kicking ass."
"Hey, baby." John looked up with a grin as Aeryn kicked down the door to his prison cell. She'd never looked better. "Time for the rescue?"
"I'd appreciate some gratitude!" Aeryn grabbed at the arm that just snaked around her throat and hauled the Nebari guard over her shoulder to throw him into the opposite wall.
"I've got gratitude!" exclaimed John. He scrambled to his feet and ran to the door, catching himself on the frame. He peered out at the corridor. "Looks clear so far. Get me offa this planet, and I've got whole heaps of gratitude."
"The others are waiting at Lolann." Aeryn reached into the inside pocket of her coat and drew Wynona out. "Not all the guards are dead."
"Wynona!" John reached toward his pulse pistol, but Aeryn held it out of reach. "Any particular reason you're bein' so mean to me during a rescue?"
"Tell me you're not going to do something stupid," said Aeryn.
John frowned. "Who, me?"
Aeryn just looked at him.
"Fine, nothing stupid." John held his hand out. "Can I have Wynona now? She and I have a lot of catching up to do."
Aeryn slapped the pulse pistol into his hand, and John winced. "That stings!"
An alarm started blaring in the distance. "Damn," hissed Aeryn. The sound of footsteps echoed in the corridor and began to get closer to them.
"Somebody tell D'Argo to learn how to be subtle next time," muttered John. He swung out behind Aeryn and started shooting Nebari officers. "Or was it Chiana this time?"
"Probably Rygel," said Aeryn sourly.
"So we're cornered." John had his back against the prison wall.
Aeryn backed up and slammed into the wall next to him. "Yes, we are."
"Again." John grinned.
"We usually are," said Aeryn dryly. "Is there a point to this little rambling discussion?"
"I'm just saying, now's the time when we blow a lot of shit up and leave things in rubble while we escape," said John. He smiled cheerfully at the group of Nebari led by Varla. "You guys should really be used to that by now."
"Are they ever?" asked Aeryn. "We always warn them."
"You guys never listen, do you?" John scuffed his heel in the dirt as Aeryn pulled out a grenade.
She smiled as she armed it and threw it over the heads of the guards. "Duck," she said politely.
A loud explosion echoed as John and Aeryn hit the ground.
The next time John needed to be rescued, he was imprisoned with Braca. They were stuck on another Sebacean colony world.
"I'm really getting tired of being mistaken for one of you guys," grumbled John. He peered out the window. "Damn. If Aeryn doesn't get here soon, we're gonna have to break out on our own."
"I'm sure my people will be here momentarily," snapped Braca. He was crouched against the wall, knees drawn to his chest and his head pillowed on his arms. "You're under arrest, by the way."
"Aw, Smithers, you're presuming your people are gonna be able to bust us out," said John. He peered out the window again. "Being five stories up and in a tower's gonna make it harder."
"My people are trained in all forms of search and rescue operations," said Braca flatly.
"Doesn't it just suck being the damsel in distress?" asked John. "Bet you five bucks Aeryn gets us out first."
"Never happen," said Braca. "What's a buck?"
The wall of the tower caved in. Aeryn was standing in the opening, hair blowing in the wind, and in head to toe black leather. John whistled slowly.
"Ready to go?" she asked.
Why was she always at her hottest when she was kicking ass and taking names?
"This sucks," muttered John. He crept through a tunnel and hissed as his boot slipped on a patch of slime. "I hate doing the rescuing, I hate creeping around, and I hate slime!"
D'Argo clapped John on the back. "Stay calm," he said. "Aeryn's probably halfway out by now."
The entire foundation of the fortress shuddered, and the meager electric lights in the tunnel blinked out.
"No, Aeryn's probably halfway out by now," said John.
D'Argo's smile gleamed in the darkness. "Now is when the real fun starts," he said, chuckling.
Aeryn looked down at herself. "Why is this drab coat white? It doesn't seem particularly drab to me." She tugged at the sleeves. "I look like an nurfer."
John grinned and shoved a pair of cat's eye glasses on the bridge of Aeryn's nose.
She sputtered and glared. "My vision is better than some Erp tralk's," she snapped.
"No one looks past the glasses," said John. He grinned. "Trust me."
"If I didn't trust you, I wouldn't be wearing these," said Aeryn. "Why do we have to follow a plan this time? We never follow a plan."
"Because we're trying not to blow everything up for once," said John. He wrapped one arm around Aeryn's waist. "You look really hot in that outfit."
"When we get done with this, I'm going to kick your eema," muttered Aeryn.
"Whatever you say, honey," said John. "Will you wear the lab coat while you're doing it?"
"No!" yelled Aeryn.
"This is possibly the most ridiculous situation we've ever been in," shouted Aeryn. The chirping of birds filled the air.
John ducked, his arms covering his head. "You're telling me!" he exclaimed. They had to be way too loud to be heard over the birds. "They've got their own private bird army! I feel like we're starring our very own Hitchcock film!"
"Our own what?" asked Aeryn. She straightened and glared at the birds. "Oh, frell this."
She held up her pulse rifle and opened fire. Soldiers poured through the doors, and John took them down with Wynona while Aeryn blasted Tippi Hedren's worst nightmare out of the sky. The last soldier fell with a thud to the ground, and John stopped firing as Aeryn lowered her rifle.
"Oh, yeah," he said, staring at the blizzard of feathers. "Aeryn, we are the best!"